Friday, November 2, 2012

The Passion Of A Wounded Heart

Deep in my heart there is a passion that has been there for a long time. But right now it is almost gone. It is discouraged and nearly defeated. This blog is about what I am feeling and also a battle cry for myself. To not give up on what I love, to fight for what God has given me, and keep trying even if I never succeed.

I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching lately and that is what ultimately lead me to the realization that I am going to share with you. So let me start at the beginning.

I love music. I always have. Music has always been able to reach into my heart and stir my emotions. I love to worship through music, and I love to help lead people to a place of worship by playing my guitar. I love being in the presence of God, the way I feel His presence when I worship is the closest I ever feel to God. I long to play and sing and write music that will help other people feel what I feel and bring them to the feet of Jesus like they have never been before.

That is one of my hearts deepest longings, and that is where Satan has fought me the hardest. 

All my life I have known people who are amazingly gifted, people who can write and sing and play music in a way that I can only dream about. I play the guitar fairly well but it hasn't come easily. I have worked and practiced for hours and hours to be able to play the little bit that I can and there is always that little voice in my head telling me I will never be as good as they are. 

I have gotten so worn down by not feeling good enough that I haven't played my guitar in almost a year. But I  have realized that it doesn't matter if I am good enough, by my own standards or anyone else's either. If my daughter Mercedes sings me a song because she loves me I don't compare it to other people's songs. She is my daughter and she sang it for me and I love it because I love her. That is how God sees us.

So will I ever be good enough? Who cares! I love playing and worshiping and that is all that matters to God and that should be all that matters to me. If God wants me to share my music with others that is up to Him and He will work out the details. I am not going to let my passion be distinguished by fear of failure or rejection.

So find the desire of your heart and hold onto it. You never know how or when God is going to use it and that doesn't matter. What matters is that our Daddy loves us and He delights in what we give Him.

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